兩週年感想

結婚已兩年了.

一直都深信戀愛與婚姻可以是互不相干, 以為要嫁的人通常都不是自己最愛, 這樣才會有持久的婚姻. 直到結了婚, 才曉得要與自己愛的人在一起, 才可以永遠在一起. 人總是用很短的時間就知道事情, 但往往要花很多的時間才明白箇中簡單的道理. 就像成熟的椰子, 要聞到它的香味並不難, 但要品嚐內裡清甜的椰肉和椰汁, 就要花點時間及功夫將椰殼破開.

相處十年, 一起買了一層樓, 一起住了八個月, 最後也落得分手收場. 分開實在不是容易的事, 但分開之後一年, 我再沒有為此而感到難過了. 記得某個星期日, 自己一人到南丫島的洪聖耶灣遠足, 用了一刻來凝望岩石和大海, 驟然覺得十年時間的確很長.

經過這十個年頭, 再加上Zoe的逝世, 傷心再不能夠以眼淚表達; 快樂也不是單單包括了笑容. 有時吵架而哭泣, 你那悔疚的眼神卻讓我會心微笑. 現在與你一起, 生活是如此簡單和愜意. 我相信是愛. 愛就好像白膠黏合劑, 能把兩木頭黏合起來, 分也難; 但橡樹卻不會被自身的橡汁堵塞而不能流出汁液. 兩個相愛的人在一起, 就是橡樹輸出橡汁, 非常自然, 沒有衝突.

每一樣的東西都有其自身的命算. 會生、會長、會減褪、會死亡. 如果在一生裡, 只用十年來換取一生受用的啟示, 十年是很短. 我希望我們的愛情會像海裡的鯊魚, 不斷向前邁進.
(Quote from Annie Hall : A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.)

在那裡與你再見

抬頭看見一群烏鴉飛過,
蜂鳥掠過我的身旁,
微風一陣的,
吹得香煙盡頭的煙灰
徐徐地散落到泥土裡.

從來沒有看過
十月的洛杉磯.
花兒還在開放,
鳥兒仍忙著捕蟲,
像是盛夏一樣,
枇杷樹的花朵才萌芽.

微風一陣的,
拾回
一種忘了的懷念的感覺;
因為一直都佔據在我心中----
你可愛的面孔.

Road Trip

明天星期四一早, 我和雲祺一起開車去聖荷西(San Jose).

其實去San Jose探Ivan及其家人, 我想在這兩年半裡, 大約十次.

由家出發到Ivan家, 開車時速大約70-80mph (110-130kmph), 時間最少6個鐘, 可想路途之遙遠. 對慣於生活在香港的我, 這樣的road trip, 實在令人興奮. 而我們選擇的公路是5號 (比101快40分鐘), 5號公路較內陸,地勢平坦, 近沙漠, 但沿途有很多農作物(人工灑水), 偶爾會看見一些農舍, 盡在眼簾的都是片片不同顏色的壤土. 同時, 我們會轉152公路繼續往北行, 這是一條極為美麗動人的公路! 有湖, 大水塘, 高山, 叢林, 牛兒等.

雲祺和我都很喜歡探險, 我們不時下車欣賞沿途風光. 回程時天色漸黑, 我們就坐在路傍, 拿著杯麵吃(到7.11加熱水). 更會駛到黑漆漆的小道看看星星及銀河. 有一次, 離開公路往漆黑一片的樹林駛去, 我們發現小路上有很多白色的小野兔, 我們一點也不敢作聲, 看見兔兒蹦蹦跳, 多可愛哩! 此時此刻, 像造夢一般.

期待明天的旅程. (雖然星期五便回來)

心理輔導

在人生中,難免會碰到挫折與哀愁,離別與悲苦.

今天下午, Sabrina致電給我,她以前是主修心理學及宗教教育的.

至四月Zoe逝世後,應該是第一次,我仔細地將Zoe被狗咬至重傷的過程,我如何送她到醫院以及在醫院她如何逝去的情況,一一憶述給Sabrina知道. 在大約60分鐘的傾談中,令我重新思索今次的意外---Sabrina告訴我,也令我相信這是意外.她的確令我的情緒得到舒緩.

第二,Sabrina 說Zoe是動物,雖然很可愛,又深得人類疼愛,無論我怎樣視她為女兒一般看代,但她始終是一隻狗.狗與人的生命有所不同.我對於這點,「丟了一隻狗的感受,就無異於家裡夭折了一個孩子」的這種感覺很難改變,但我深深明白人生就是以快樂和憂傷拼湊而成的.好吧,我再看開一點.

第三,Sabrina認為我要對自己的感覺坦白. 我一直以為想一些開心,做一些開心的事會令自己舒服點. 在這些日子以來,我甚少對雲祺說出我的感受,他是我至親的人,但我很害怕他知道我不快樂,我害怕他認為我是軟弱,更害怕他為了我不快樂而不快樂.午夜醒來,有時我會忽然心跳加速,呼吸有點困難,心裡感到恐懼非常,腦裡一次又一次的浮現被大狗襲擊的片段.真的很兇殘,恐怖.我希望下次如果這種感覺再來到時,我會以最坦白的心,去告訴你.但我真的很愛你,很怕見到你那因我而起的憂鬱眼神.

接著, Sabrina向我提出自我治療的方法.就是每天寫下在什麼情況想起Zoe,沒有想起她時,我在做著什麼,每隔一段時間再看自己所寫的文字,嘗試找出線索,讓自己知道怎樣的環境及情況下會舒服一點.

我會嘗試．

Frozen Banana -- presented by Sally Yang

這是一個美麗暖和的黃昏.從我的客廳,可望到前園,馬路及對面的幾戶鄰居.

我在美國的好朋友Sally,她常常到我家,上次我教她做sushi,今次她說要教我做Frozen Banana. (但她是完全不懂得做菜)推斷Frozen Banana應該不難做.哈哈......
果然, Frozen Banana 清甜可口又容易做!大家快o的試試. LA Disney 賣us$5一條.

Sally專心地把香蕉塗上朱古力醬.


材料:
a) 香蕉 4-5 條
b) banana pops 一盒 (內有雪條棍)
c) 炒香花生

做法:
1) 將香蕉切半,插入雪條棍.放入冰箱大約一個鐘.


2) 把banana pops粉包浸在熱水中,然後把暖朱古力醬倒進杯內.將冰凍的香蕉浸入朱古力醬中.


3) 隨即灑上之前已炒香的花生碎. (炒香花生之後, Sally用菜刀柄尾把花生壓碎)


4) 再把香蕉放進冰箱中大約2-3個鐘.會更滋味哩!

當日,我們還合作做了pesto pasta 和田園salad. 嘩!好味呀!

註:如果在香港找不到banana pops ,可買半甜朱古力,隔水加熱至溶解即可. (總之就是朱古力醬)

Banksy Art Show in Los Angeles

在香港時,曾在味千拉麵等位等了差不多一個鐘.沒想到,在LA,等Banksy的Art Show,排隊要多過一個鐘!在正午,烈日當空下排60分鐘,不行啦!只有放棄而改去海灘.六時回去再從頭等,不料條龍是正午時的兩三倍!心裡說著"有寶咩!"

正午阿Wan在排隊,我在陰影下等,哈!
太熱,放棄後黃昏時再排隊.






噢~原來他來自英國,是一位underground graffiti藝術家.他曾在不同國家的藝術館換掉自己的畫,例如倫敦的 Tate Britain gallery, 紐約的Museum of Modern Art, Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Brooklyn Museum, 和 American Museum of Natural History, 有趣的是在一段時間後才被人發現.

最近的八至九月,Banksy在英國的48間唱片鋪,換了大約500張Paris Hilton的第一次新碟內的封面,取而代之的是他自己的藝術數碼封面,而歌名被改為"Why am I Famous?", "What Have I Done?" and "What Am I For?". 搞笑的是已賣出的CD,在ebay叫價大約是750英磅!


被Banksy改了的CD封面








對這次展覽,確實我抱著新年一起看煙花的心態,並沒有什麼大的期望.如果純粹以藝術角度欣賞,其技巧單調,除了少數油畫外,主要的作品都是用Stencil---印刷模板法.更重要是當天被塗上斑斕色彩的大笨象不見了!可是失望.


被塗上顏色的大象








但不管隊排了很久,展覽質數如何,大象不在,我覺得展覽是值得去的.因為我也要支持這位常對社會,文化,政治作批判的地下(有名)藝術家!其藝術品就是恰到好處反映他的藝術觀.他說:"Every day hundreds of people are made to feel physically sick by morons at art shows telling them how bad the world is but never actually doing something about it."

要知道我也很討厭這個Paris Hilton,真的受夠了!

以前是個工作狂

這是雲祺在明報第109期的辦公室漫畫

更多雲祺的漫畫可click:
http://www.aiya.net/studycow/wan's%20comic/page_01.htm

我正聽著陳綺貞的還是會寂寞. 看看這CD的年份,才知道是2000年出版的.

陳綺貞還是會寂寞CD的封面

差不多7年啦. 不知不覺. 每次聽這張CD,總令我想起在 Web design 公司工作的日子.很快樂. 同事們都會播自己心愛的歌,我都是聽完同事播陳綺貞,發覺不得不買下這清新悅耳的CD回家.

再回想一下過去6年的工作, 一計之下, 2/3的時間都是工作. 即是隨了睡覺和工作, 再沒有別的了-- 這就是生命的全部. 因為要經常OT到凌晨甚至清晨, 於是我的好朋友就介紹了她男朋友的爸爸給我認識, 他是揸夜更的士的. 一星期大約3晚, 他就會在二, 三點左右在我公司樓下等我. 張世伯讓我安全地在車睡, 到家時他總要叫我起身.


再回想多一次這樣的生活,就只會讓自己心酸多一點.

Macau

Above is my favorite park in Macau. I went there for hanging out with my little friends and it is the place for me to play and grow up. (next to me is my little brother)

I feel sad. I wish Macau could be as simple as before .

Talking with a friend about Macau, we also agree Macau is not a nice place anymore. Actually i was raised up there. In my mind, Macau was a very lovely place- nice people and food, interesting buildings and life style...Now she is not like those time i lived in, sustanable and breathable, surrounding nice and not very tall buildings. Originally, i thought Macau could be developed to a unique French or Italian style fishermen town, letting people relax and enjoy the paradise-like life.

Today you can see everywhere is under construction. People from China and other places travel in and out. Few casinos are no longer enough for the great deal of gamblers and the visiters. Macau's economy is growing extremely rapid due to gambling and construction from the new casino entrants. More constructions for more casinos. Eventually, a Las Vagas-like casino city is expected. It has brought an increased standard of living for the Macau people. Say the value of their houses are going up and up. Everyone is getting richer in Macau.

But I can guess for the next generation, they will tend to be working for the casinos. I guess my lovely and smart nephew is more likely to work for the casino in the future. ...I guess Macau is paying for its rapid growing.

while i have to introduce my friends about Macau which is one of the highest-volume gambling centres in the world, i wish i could say one of the simple but unique, cultural place in the world. That's what i would like to spend rest of my life in such nice place.

Queen of boogie board surfer

I had been being busy for 2 months for studying. Finally, I can go back a normal self and yesterday I made a chocholate fruit cake! I never thought i could really make a cake like that untill i really tried to fellow the baking book's recipe or the online recipes, creating my cake step by step! I gave some to my neighbors -- Eric, Wonder, Sally and Anna. I hope they like it. I am thinking if i were not an artist, i should have been a baker!

Another thing makes me so happy is surfing with a boogie board in Santa Monica beach last few days. I couldn't realise why some guys are just crazy about surfing -- they can surf everyday and won't be tired of it. Maybe now i know why. Once I surf with my boogie board, catch the waves and all the way back to the sand, I found I fall in love with ocean quickly.

In Hong Kong, I was drown in the middle of the sea one time. Then i am used to be afraid of ocean. However, That day when i caught over 15 waves, i didn't care anymore. I ran to the waves as quick as possible from the shore, catching the waves that brought me back to the shore, again and again. I felt like the queen of boogie board surfer.

You know, something always makes you happy is not always you expect. So what i think is to try more different things when we are still young and capable -- to explore youself and know yourself more.

A good office chair is important for modern life!

Above is a similar chair that Wan bought as his own office chair.

Last night I was browsing google map with Wan. We found his office is as far from our home as from Shengzheng down to Hong Kong Island. Every morning and night he takes around 40 minutes around 100-110 km/h to office and back home. If there is so much traffice, approximate 1 hour is expected. It's a long trip.

Lets see! How does he spend his time with his life in 24 hours?

1 hour: brush teeth and have breakfast
1.5 hours:traffic
10 hours:work
1.5 hours:lunch and dinner.
1 hour:entertainment
3 hours:computer
15 minutes: shower
5 hours and 45 mins: sleep

What's a typical modern life! It seems buying a good office chair is more important than a mattress or a bed!

Sweet fig tree

I have never seen a real fig until i moved to LA.

In my house, so many different kinds of fruit trees were planted by the ex-owner including Loquat, Lemon, Grape, Guava and my favorite tree -- Fig! I just love it so much. In Hong Kong, my mom will put the dried figs for making soup. But what i see here is some soft sweet fresh figs.

After i checked the information of fig on the internet, i realize that humans could live on figs alone as a source of food. Plus some common problems and illness can be avoided by the use of figs! All these facts have driven me crazy about it and actually i am enjoying the ripe figs everyday and derive so many benefits.

1) Memory loss
Figs contain a lot of natural sugar- up to 60%. Sugar stimulate the brain so we can think faster and recall information more quickly. It seems i can think more clearer and faster than ever.

2) Constipation
Acutally i don't have this problem. But I am more likely to go to the bathroom 3 times or more a day after i eat figs. They are a natural laxative and have high level of fibre.

3) Weight control
It is also high in calories that help me cut down on snacking. Its soluble fibre causes nutrients to be absorbed more slowly, making people feel more satisfied.

Even more important is that there is so many sweet memory in this backyard. Sometimes wind is whispering in the trees, comforting my heart and soul.

It's a blessing

I can't imagine if I lived in poverty of some African or South Aisan areas where the people struggle to survive due to the devastating disasters like earthquakes, droughts, floods, epidemic diseases. Instead, I am the lucky one living in the rich country where is used to an entire continent of limitless potential, tend less to think about this question. When other people are starving, i am immersing myself in the sad memories. While i am able to choose what i wanna do with my life rather than i have no other option but to continue down a certain path, this kind of choice some people can never have.

What i am thinking? What else do I ask for more? I have already had all things that i deserve to have.

It is thankful and a blessing.

This is some good shit in my life

There are only happiness and unhappiness in our lives.

Lets talk happy thing instead.

Definitely, for me, the happiest time was being 17-18 years old. I was just the person always being hyper without taking any drugs--i laughed loudly for no reason and it lasted for couples of minutes untill my belly cramped. i bursted into tears and laugthers and couldn't help it. It is called "teen" who is full of energy yet rudeness. I did so many stupid things. I don't know why however i just felt like doing that.

I remember i was 24, how dare i piss on the magnificent travertine pools which are very historical in Yuen Nan, to be more precise, invaluable. Damn! I would do it again although i am 30 now.

I lied to my mom. That time i was 16. My first boyfriend came to my home and suddenly my mom got back home. I told her he is my younger brother's classmate. How come a 13-year-old young little kid looks like an exactly 18-year-old adult? My mom believed that because i asked my brother to lie to her too. "Yes! he is my classmate. he gets no where to go and comes to our home because he runs away from home!", my brother lied.

But then, I recognized that I am increasingly responsible for my life's direction, I can no longer afford the luxury of being able to laugh so loud. I will think if it is funny enough.

Is it good or bad?
Anyway, this is some good shit in my life.

something you just can't forget.

I am not sure when I can forget the eye contact that the last time I looked at Zoe when i found she was dead already in hospital--two days before that, Zoe and i was walking in the street and she was bitten by a big dog. Five months already. Zoe left me all in a sudden. No one can tell me why.

Zoe is such a great dog that nothing can replace her. She could speak "I love you" when you were holding food for her. She would come to you when you called her name. She would talk to you "hummm...and hummm..." when she felt thirsty and hungry. She would look at your eyes and try to undestand what you were thinking.

She licked my tears when i cried.

I remember the way how she was holding me every morning when i woke up-- her two hands touched my left arm-- She just liked sticking together with me all the time.

Sometimes, i think she is happier and more peacful in somewhere- that's the way how i comfort myself.